Why I Love My Eczema

I have been struggling with a chronic skin condition for the last two months, that got bad enough to put me in the Emergency Room. I have been battling no sleep, severe pain, cold chills, not wanting to be touched, not wanting to sit, not sleeping, not being able to be intimate with my husband, not being snuggly with my 21 month old toddler, not being able to pull myself off the couch all day to care for my her, not being able to make it to church at times, and so much more. I have been depressed and anxious and downright angry.

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However, a couple of weeks ago, after I put my daughter to bed, I sat on the couch with my husband and had ANOTHER breakdown. Tears streaming down my face, tired and stressed. My husband did what any good God-fearing man does for his wife in this situation. He asks me if I have taken these things to God. “Yes.” Asks me if I’ve prayed for healing. “Yes.” Asks if I’ve believed He can, when I pray for it. “I used to.” Asks if I am keeping my faith. “It’s getting hard.” LIGHT BULB

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Something in my head and my heart went off! God, in that still small voice, said to me, “Do you remember your prayer a couple of months back? The one where you came to me, asking if I would teach you how to pray? Don’t you remember when you pleaded with me, to show you how to have meaningful conversation with me, and how to draw near to me?” I had to admit, “Yes, I remember.” Just then, I realized that I had been praying every day, multiple times a day. I had been praying hard and long and deep. I had learned how to pray. Since that day, I have not found it difficult to keep my faith in Him, who answers prayers. I do not find it difficult to pray. I have been making progress in prayer and in spending one-on-one time with God and in God’s word.

 

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And you know what? After two months of sleeping around 1-3 hours a night, I had a weekend of 8 hour sleep cycles! I have a controlled rash and am just struggling to get the bumps that have been left behind to stop itching (which is still annoying, but nothing in comparison!). I am able to hold my daughter, and care for her ALL DAY. I am able to cook meals for my family, and clean my house. I am able to be intimate with my husband, and I don’t mind if he holds me or kisses me! It doesn’t HURT anymore!!!! God answers prayers. But sometimes, we don’t know which prayer He is answering. We don’t always understand the ways in which God works, but He knows what is best for us. Yes, God allowed me to hurt, and to struggle, and to cry; not because He wanted to watch me suffer, but because He wanted me to draw near to Him and to learn HOW to do that. BECAUSE I ASKED!

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Why the Facebook Group I Joined, Did NOTHING for Me.

I joined a group on Facebook, that is dedicated to giving women accountability and encouragement in spending time in God’s Word. I have belonged to the group for a little while now, and I noticed something. It wasn’t working! I didn’t feel accountability or encouragement! I wasn’t spending any more time with God or my bible than I was before joining. And I know why!

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Each day I would sit in front of my computer and go down the list of my favorites, each of the groups I kept up with on Facebook, and would get caught up on the recent posts, comment when I had input, post when I had questions, and make sure I wasn’t missing out. And each day, I would skip over the accountability group.

Now, I wasn’t consciously avoiding the accountability from this group. I just simply skipped it over, thinking that it wasn’t relevant to me, because SUBconsciously, I knew I hadn’t been spending time with God, and knew that I had nothing to offer the group. Unfortunately, I wasn’t allowing the group to offer me encouragement and accountability as it was designed to do, either!

I have great excuses as to why I wasn’t spending time in the Word! I haven’t slept more than an hour or two each night over the last two months due to some health issues, and so I wasn’t going to be able to focus on what I read, or get anything out of it. And, I have a toddler. It isn’t really possible to have ‘quiet time’ when you are needed every few minutes to care for a need or a want from a child too young to care for him/herself.

But, guess what?! Spending time with God, isn’t about me! Being obedient and faithful in spending time with God, is what is important. Obviously, getting direction and learning from what we read in God’s Word is important, but just because we aren’t feeling well, or awake enough to get divine insight, doesn’t mean that we ignore our responsibility of spending time with God! And, you know what else? I’m pretty sure that God understands that my daughter needs attention and care throughout the day, and that when I have to walk away from my bible for a few moments, He doesn’t get angry. I make it a priority to spend time with my husband, my family, and my friends, even when I know my daughter is going to need things during that time. I don’t just ignore them, or avoid spending time with any of them because of that knowledge. Isn’t God way more important than them?

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My challenge to you today is to reflect on your relationship with God. Ask yourself if you have been spending time with Him. If yes, how much time? Is it consistent? Could you increase or enhance that time in any way? If no, then reflect on your excuses. Why aren’t you spending that time with God? Would you be able to physically stand in front of God with those excuses without falling to your knees, begging for forgiveness? (chances are-and I’m speaking from experience here- that you can’t) What would God’s response to your excuses be?