I have been struggling with a chronic skin condition for the last two months, that got bad enough to put me in the Emergency Room. I have been battling no sleep, severe pain, cold chills, not wanting to be touched, not wanting to sit, not sleeping, not being able to be intimate with my husband, not being snuggly with my 21 month old toddler, not being able to pull myself off the couch all day to care for my her, not being able to make it to church at times, and so much more. I have been depressed and anxious and downright angry.
However, a couple of weeks ago, after I put my daughter to bed, I sat on the couch with my husband and had ANOTHER breakdown. Tears streaming down my face, tired and stressed. My husband did what any good God-fearing man does for his wife in this situation. He asks me if I have taken these things to God. “Yes.” Asks me if I’ve prayed for healing. “Yes.” Asks if I’ve believed He can, when I pray for it. “I used to.” Asks if I am keeping my faith. “It’s getting hard.” LIGHT BULB
Something in my head and my heart went off! God, in that still small voice, said to me, “Do you remember your prayer a couple of months back? The one where you came to me, asking if I would teach you how to pray? Don’t you remember when you pleaded with me, to show you how to have meaningful conversation with me, and how to draw near to me?” I had to admit, “Yes, I remember.” Just then, I realized that I had been praying every day, multiple times a day. I had been praying hard and long and deep. I had learned how to pray. Since that day, I have not found it difficult to keep my faith in Him, who answers prayers. I do not find it difficult to pray. I have been making progress in prayer and in spending one-on-one time with God and in God’s word.
And you know what? After two months of sleeping around 1-3 hours a night, I had a weekend of 8 hour sleep cycles! I have a controlled rash and am just struggling to get the bumps that have been left behind to stop itching (which is still annoying, but nothing in comparison!). I am able to hold my daughter, and care for her ALL DAY. I am able to cook meals for my family, and clean my house. I am able to be intimate with my husband, and I don’t mind if he holds me or kisses me! It doesn’t HURT anymore!!!! God answers prayers. But sometimes, we don’t know which prayer He is answering. We don’t always understand the ways in which God works, but He knows what is best for us. Yes, God allowed me to hurt, and to struggle, and to cry; not because He wanted to watch me suffer, but because He wanted me to draw near to Him and to learn HOW to do that. BECAUSE I ASKED!